I've never been 12-exclamation-point-excited for sex. That must have been good.
just saw a girl who had one of those monogrammed backpacks... her initials are VAG. is this a sign?
This guy just walked into class and first thing he did was grab the garbage can, walk to his desk and say "just in case"
Yeah I'm buying him lunch right now because I shot him with the fire extinguisher last night
I kept whispering "I love it when you call me big papa" until she got annoyed and left
Judging that there's a photo of me getting head while sitting on a graveyard tombstone.....not good.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
Based on the pics I have taken of hookups while they were passed out or sleeping, I have scientifically concluded that no two vagina lips are the same. They are like snowflakes.
In order of importance: Where am I? Where's my car? Where are my clothes? Who is this chick in the room?
Anne's couch, the bar, your car, Anne.
she asked how her costume looked and all i could say was bars are dark right?
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
Is it socially acceptable to stop at the strip club for the lunch buffet on my way to the airport?
U touched your head and and said "oh look blood" and then looked at me and touched my face... And said war paint
If I were better looking, this would be the point where I'd resign myself to stripping.
Since moving to the suburbs, all I do is fuck my ex and watch cartoons. It's not so bad.
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