no one should ever give us hovercrafts
College is just filling the gap until I get a rich girl pregnant
She asked me to cum on her. ON her. I think we're out of the friend zone
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Clearly my hormones are sending beaming lights to every penis in the area
Got a handy at the foam party. Took girl home. Banged her. Thanked her for foam handy. "what handy?"
I would come over if there was not the impending fear of me shitting out my brains.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
I texted him a series of texts in which the first letters of each text spelled out "WE SHOULD HAVE SEX". If that's not dedication to the dick, I don't know what is
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
EVERYBODY CALM YOUR SHIT
I gave her two orgasms and then we laid there and she ate jelly beans out of my belly button...that girls a keeper
i told someone my fallback plan was to be a slutty bartender and i needed the practice as i straddled them to pour a shot
So drunk last night I reviewed my recent anazon purchase of secret deodorant. Trust me, it was eloquent.
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