If I could text you the sound of me vomming, I would.
I miss you. Just wanted to say that before the drugs kicked in so it's legit.
She told me at midnight she would blow me harder than a new years party kazoo
Found my new morning breakfast spot. Hospital cafeteria. Nobody asks questions, they just assume shit went downnn
Haha so I huess that means he's a little over 7. I can use my throat as a ruler!!
One less school supply you need to buy!!
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
I've learned something. I regret way too may Tuesdays in my life to be normal
I feel like I should lick our pitcher just so everyone knows its ours
just found a piece of pizza in my dresser.....i remember you saying you were going to save one for later so i'm assuming this is your doing
I feel the need to clarify that I did not show her my vagina.
I think I just inadvertently started a sex competition with my roommate and her boyfriend.
Jake and I will do a protection ritual for ur dick I don't know where she has been
You tried to bite my nipple like 3 times
NAh son
Just general bites
We were just getting out tux's at men's warehouse he pulled both of the fitting room girls. I dont think he should be getting married
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
Randomize
