thx for the lesson on dirrty dancing
I am scared. I picture you doing a keg stand on a sinking ship with hula girls cheering you on. Please text me when you get back to shore...or now would be good
Kinda wish I banged him. I need the exercise.
you started keeping track of only every even numbered drink you had
My mom just blew pot smoke into my nose and called me a cat.
Also pregame at mine tomorrow?
how the hell did this chicken wing end up in my cast?!
For public speaking we have to bring an object that describes us to class. Can't decide if I wanna bring a flask or a shot glass.
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
Out of all the people in the house to show their tits at mcdonalds to try and get free food, they picked those two?
Did you put pizza in my boxers last night?
I left you 4 hours ago. Have you been walking around with shit in your pants all day?
I'm like an air traffic controller of women. It's a very similar job. Well spaced and gentle landings are good. When they meet, it's bad. Explosions bad. Dying screaming burning children bad.
I just sang Hey Jude with a homeless man and then we drank beer together. Then I watched asians take pictures under a xmas tree for an hour and fell asleep in an MGM Grand bathroom stall. #AloneinVegas
He was like low grade Riff Raff, but I hit it. Twice. His grill popped out the second time.
Oh and he asked if I would occasionally still blow him if we had children. It was so romantic.
I'm too pretty to go to jail. Especially in Louisiana.
Randomize
