apparently i peed in my fridge last night because my vegetable drawer was filled with it.
one should ask oneself what kind of lifestyle one is leading when one finds a handprint of semen on their pillow the next day.
When she sits down, she uses her fat rolls like an arm rest.
why is there a handicap sign in the bathtub and an exit sign in the kitchen?
lets deal with that after we figure out where i am
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
Rode a jet ski for the first time three days after I lost my virginity. Hell of a week for my vagina.
Living room yoga. I'm too hungover to deal with anyone else's chi today.
Sitting on an airplane reeking of booze, sex and shame while surrounded by families coming home from Disney. This is not one of my finer moments.
I keep telling myself that if Britney can make it through 2007, I can make it through this date.
The drunk people on this bus are singing Journey songs. This is the whitest thing I've ever experienced
three guys with a tattoo of the Walmart rollback smiley holding up a middle finger on their ass=free drinks in every bar
so apparently last weekend we taught the mascot how to shotgun beers. am i winning college yet?
When did it become normal to wake up in the middle of the night to take a group bathroom break and have a 10 minute discussion on where the next football game is?
Below this exterior of ice is a layer of cum. Followed by a pool of gin. More cum. Then, finally a heart.
Got everyone out of my house, somehow managed to put all my lawn furniture back, puked in my sink, and cleaned it up all while black out drunk before my parents came home. Successful night.
Randomize
