Dude, hurry and get over. I need a wingman. She is on her 6th vodka shot and her resident ugly friend is still sober
I did the walk of shame to church this morning.
hooker boots and all?
Yep. People looked at me like I was the prodigal daughter returning home. Full of sins but welcome anyway.
Then he took his girlfriend's fuzzy handcuffs and locked me to their bed. Key is in an unknown location. He's surprisingly idiotic, for being premed.
You never did explain why you were in wal-mart with a wok full of popcorn.
We were messing around at his place it was going fine until he said, "I'm going to cum, hand me the shot glass"
Everybody in the immediate area is hooking up like it's doomsday
WHY AM I NOT THERE?
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
Why the fuck is he under my phone as Papi Chulo?
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
What the fuck dude? Now it's a "who is this?" convo going back and forth. Like... helllloooo you just sent me a picture of your penis! I'm entitled to ask who the fuck it is. I can't verify an identity by a body part.
We’re leaving where are you
Hold on Toxic just started playing
Do you not realize that being Batman fulfills about 95% of my non-sexual fantasies?
was that you i just saw walking down the street in only one heel smoking a cig yelling "hello sexuals" to everyone who passed??
HELLLLLO SEXUAL BEING
this is the second night in a row i've fucked a guy i met on craigslist. and it wasn't even a post for sex. i posted a housing ad. A HOUSING AD
You almost lost your european virginity to a Peruvian man waering a do-rag in a port-a-potty.
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