He said he was just looking at my pictures and was thinking about how he wanted to cut my hair..then dye it black and put platnium blonde extensions throughout it and layer my hair
Her mom drove me home after I blew a .13 So there I am wishing her mom a happy mother's day sitting in the passenger seat where I just banged her daughter 15 min prior
woke up this morning wit a massive hangover. walked to my truck and found at least 35 for sale signs, a stop sign, and a julie kim sign...need answers
yea, you decided to become a real estate agent last night on the way home from the party. You started bitchin about how Julie Kim was stealing all your buisness....
Deadliest Catch is NOT foreplay
He cut you off when you said Paula Dean was in your soul...He kicked you out when "Paula" started eating random peoples food
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I think my greatest accomplishment today was probably using a bottle opener to get the cap off my fourth drink while holding the cat WITHOUT dropping him.
Oh god, what has my life become?
I took your mattress from your bed. Don't ask questions. Love you. See ya later.
I've never seen an uncircumcised dick in real life and the internet indicates I don't want to.
I'll never get why we had to sing the entire full house theme to the cab driver.... never drinking rum again.
NO HE PUT HIS HAND IN HIS PANTS BEFORE HE TOUCHED THE BONG.
ILLEGAL
It started getting weird when you decided to scold my vagina.
Randomize
