nothing tight i'm going to stuff myself with food and alchy
so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
i just peed in a port a potty and wiped with my credit card statement. fuck yeah!
i just saw an ambulance and a fire truck pull away from the dorms. it appears somebody actually IS feeling shittier than me today.
Does boxed wine and camel crushes signify a college date? Lets hope so
he said he wanted to butter my pancake. i thought it was sexual, but he went downstairs and made pancakes. i need to stop dating fat guys.
Just walked in on my older brother getting a bj. He told the girl to "keep going" and then attempted to high five me
I won't be able to get a boner for a month
Challenge accepted.
I grinded with the guy who brought the scooter, I'm leaving with success
I think my nap took me to another dimension
fell down stairs ended up in underground bar now im dancing with trannies and best night of my life. lines of coke
You're wearing pigtails and giving away our kitchen appliances. Clearly, you're drunk.
Validation I posted a good pic? The lonely fuckboys send out the booty call signal. Of course I answered the call; Gotham needs its hero.
Is she still on a quest to lick every stranger that enters the bar, or have the restraining orders reached critical mass?
Will you come get your son? He's using an old bike pump to help him fart the national anthem...
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