you don't remember? you called me at 330 crying because you were in the middle of having sex with corey and forgot his name. all you kept saying was i'm a drunk bitch.
It was good sex. She was screaming so much I didn't know whether or not my name was Matt or God.
Girl next to me in class just said to her friend "and I haven't even cried yet." Challenge accepted
oh and then you called a time out with your penis
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
Remember when we pinky swore we'd never feel hungover alone...
Luckily my prof thought I was puking from nerves and gave me motivational mini speeches the entire final.
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
He bought you footie pajamas. Shit's pretty serious.
I think now I understand why people say my penis is pretty.
Is 1:30 too early for the bar?
Do you want my opinion or society's?
I want your company
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
My favorite bra is missing and I smell like beer and bad decisions. This is definitely a sign that hoe mode is activated.
Literally just stood behind a guy in line at Walmart get his card declined when he attempted to purchase condoms. That's rock bottom.
Randomize
