I am drinking with my family and the average drinking tolerance is a shot and a half. I feel like the incredible hulk.
We are brilliant. We call it the pint walk. Killing a pint of vodka while we walk from cleveland park to dupont. just making mama proud
We basically counted to 3 and then dumped each other.
She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
I just peed next to my dog in the yard. Unparalleled forms of bonding going on over here.
He keeps the condoms in his bible. I guess stairs or elevator, we're getting to hell one way or another.
I DONT WANT TO PLUS I THINK I FLUSHED MY KEYS DOWN THE TOILET WHILE I WAS PEEING
you called your neighbor "slutsauce" then passed out on the stairway. not even sure why, but props to you.
I'm not driving across town for three thrusts and an excuse
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm turning into an adult here.
Adults touch each other's special zones.
I can't hang out tomorrow. A boy wants to feed me ice cream and touch my boobs. Priorities.
YOURE A FUCKING ADULT. DONT TELL ME ITS PAST YOUR BEDTIME WHEN I WANT TO GET ANOTHER COCKTAIL.
I cannot take an uber back in my costume...can you please come get me?
just had sex in a stairwell with six feet five inches worth of drama
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