so i texed my mom when i was trashed last night and said "i know its 3 am, just go to bed and i'll be back by the time we leave for the airport"
Once again you get dinner and all I get is semen on my leg
STOP SENDING ME DANCING JESUS FORWARDS.
I hope my theory books are in my locker, but if not, I guess I can always share with you.
Who said I want to share with you?
You've sucked my dick, I'm pretty sure you don't care if I look at your theory book.
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
I'm sorry about your car but on a brighter note I did wake up in my dorm. That's something right?
Fuck you.
I really super glued a paper bow tie to my body last night. I need to do less drugs.
Make the kitchen floor stop waving. Im trying to lay on it
I'm praying that the company stray cat shows up tomorrow. I think I may have hit it while leaving Friday. Nobody will believe it was an accident after I hit the last one.
Just pulled a muscle trying to take a naked pic. I think it's time to start working out again.
does doing it on an automatic sink count as shower sex?
Last time we had an ultimatum like that, things went very far south. I'm down, but it's your turn to wake up in a hospital.
dude I just found tht weird ass guy u invited last night passed out in my closet.... apparently he "couldn't find the exit"
considering I just took 3 shots of fireball I don't think I'm coming back tonight. also the hulk just walked in crushing beer cans on his forehead
It was like a single vaginal boat in a sea of one eyed monsters
Randomize
