Please, let me fuck your mom
I just caught my mom fingering herself in the bathroom...Im moving out.
Well, I now know how many glasses of wine it takes for me to fuck my neighbor.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Rule #61 of being a lady: never get fingered by a finger with a knuckle tattoo
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I just slapped myself in the face with my dildo and I know that's a weird thing to share but I just had to tell to someone omg I'm laughing so hard
Vodka, rum, moonshine, I don't care, just bring like 5gallons.
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
Wtf is this place? I don't see any alcohol and I feel like we were supposed to bring our own strippers.
Well drunk me was looking out for sober me again, hid the beer and bought another case for me
The married guy I've been fucking broke it off because I'm not a trump supporter and don't share his "traditional values".
We are never doing shots of gin. Never again.
I'm pretty sure that's exactly what we're doing.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
