note to self: Never ask your girlfriend to have a 3some with your ex...
would it be inappropriate to describe you with the phrase "bigass titties"?
They should make Glad Forceflex condoms.
they got in a fight during sex...she came out yelling and covered in chocolate
Well, I can't relate. I have no idea what it feels like to withhold sex. Or have self-control in general.
Managed to convince my mom that I had been home for 3 hours sleeping on the couch downstairs and this t-shirt was your dads. I am SUCH a fucking boss.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
He doesn't have any game.. I mean, his one move is forwarding chicks pictures of his penis.
Thats not how it works. You get the Rachel, and then Rachel kicks you out. Don't linger or try to cuddle, its just pathetic and makes me look down on you and your penis
Still losing my voice, so I am trying to get it back through drugs. Welcome to my Monday logic.
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
it's like i'm making a family tree of tunnel buddies for my vagina
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
I was gonna jerk off, but then I thought about that movie last night and it killed that idea. I have serious boner trauma.
Randomize
