had no condoms so I just made do with an empty doritos bag.
I'm not inviting you over anymore if my cat keeps ending up in the freezer...
PS, you're not being slutty, you're "making dreams true."
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
How do you get a 7 on a pregnancy test?
slut bingo starts in ten minutes ...
today's workout consisted of me putting my fake in my sports bra and running to the liquor store.
Well, if he didn't want to get caught mid-gay experience by his girlfriend, he shouldn't have pushed so hard to do MDMA with me.
I'm so glad we both made out with him though. I feel like that really brought us together
you were bawling because you felt bad for being so drunk and then you asked for a beer
No, the high point was when you stood on a chair and shouted you were the god of tits and wine.
He came back with a Butterfinger and vibrator batteries. There's no refusing him now.
I literally just told you I found out I masturbate in my sleep. I think we can be snapchat friends again
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Can I come over and get it in, take a nap in ur bed, grab some poptarts and then leave?
You haven't lost that air of class about you...
Randomize
