mrs. f**** your sons in jail, if you can help with bail please respond, if not please dont tell him i told you.
If Curt Schilling could pitch a game with that blood-filled sock... if Tiger Woods won the 2008 US Open with a torn ligament, then I'd be an embarrassment to the human race if I couldn't manage to at least jerk him off even if I was still crying after he put it in my butt.
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
I feel like I can hear facebook. What did we smoke?
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
Who wants vodka and apple sauce
i miss freshman lecture halls much harder to take shots in a class of 20
Like please, take your microdick and try to stick it someplace else. It is not welcome in my world.
well my grandpa saw your dick pic, so why don't you tell me how my day is going
I was just thrown into the pool and now I'm surrounded by men... You would think this is the dream but I'm just confused
I know you like got hit by a car but do you want to come to my birthday pardi
You thought the flashing lights were strobe lights when they were loading you into the ambulance. You asked the EMT if he had any X.
I love you. I would never turn you into a bear.
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