i'm watching degrassi (go figure) and the episode is about jimmy not being able to get a boner and now he's famous and rapping about popping pussies..i dont get it.
I swallowed and made him pancakes in the morning. I feel almost as desperate as Jennifer Aniston at this point.
how was last night?
i woke up with my hand stuck in a jam jar with my keys in the bottom and a dog licking peanut butter off my boobs. you tell me.
Just used a champagne bottle to outline a trigonometric circle for math 104.. should i give up on life now or later?
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
Man, jail baloney is awful.
I think it's time we have the "weird fetish" talk.
Trying to low-key throw up in the ocean is harder than it seems.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
I just got a call from the front desk apparently one of my feiends was dropped off by a handicap bus passed out in a wheel chair unlv is goig down
They flooded the bathroom and their version of cleaning it up was to throw our couch cushions on it. That's when I decided to chug tequila and go drunk bowling. So hitting the kid with my ball is really their fault.
i have achieved a new state of being which requires no food or water but is sustained only by coffee and pure, unrelenting rage
so idk what that means but now because of me he has a police file as breaking into my apartment and sleeping in my hallway under the carpet
A massage should never include spaghetti sauce. shit was fucked up
I woke up while she was taking a panoramic photo of my morning wood
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