They totally botched my boob job. My tits look like they're are winking.
Do you realize that Last night you pissed in my closet and then walked to the bathroom to wash your hands?
im not an educated person. i just do things. and it works out in my favor
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
im youtubing treadmill accidents. this is what i do at 2:10am
Is it possible to get a DUI in a wheelchair that's not yours?
On our way there. Drinking my beer out of a coffee pot. Cuz it's my bday
Wait, whatever happened to locking our vaginas in closets?
420 is off to a bad start. Mark wake/baked WAY too much, and he has spent over $50 on the claw machine in the grocery store.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
Hey remind me the get the pancakes out of my jacket
I got pull-out-my-nuvaring-drunk last night.
Oh. My. God. I. Am. Going. To. Punch. Someone. In. The. Face. Immediately.
beggars cant be choosers....im desperate and he has a dick. he checks all the boxes.
Randomize
