Buying beer for freshmen. No matter what they ask for, I'm getting them Colt 45.
In retrospect, getting to second base BEFORE anal wouldve been a good idea
do you ever get flashbacks of ppl you had sex with and just shudder at how gross they were/how drunk you were?
story of my life.
She said her hobbies include bangin guys on one night stands and then sending them facebook relationship requests the next morning just to freak em out
It's like she can't drink without using a flambongo
Of course... Double fistin nati light cuz the powers out and it cuts down the times i gotta open the fridge... Genius
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
Just had to buy plan b w/ my robotic baby from family living.. Awkward.
A man just poked my foot with his crutches while I'm shitting. Is that how the disabled gays ask for a glory hole blow jay?
I've never used poorer judgment in my life. It's mathematically possible that I impregnated 5 women in the past 24 hours since I won the lottery. But I couldn't be happier about it.
Nope. I've found you care about two things in life: your momma and spreading your seed.
If you could not mention to him that I slept with his best friend, that'd be cool of you.
Great... now even my dreams are making fun of me
What conversation warrents "penis" in rainbow comic sans
I just thought that if your brother was ever going to invite me over again, he probably shouldn't catch me fucking you in his bathroom.
Randomize
