Just left a map of the Aleutian islands on this Eskimo girls face. Check one off my Alaska to do list.
so she sprained her ankle somehow and her friend had to carry her out while all 7 of us watched. do we even need to vote on that or is that automatic induction into the hall of shame?
I decided to follow my clitoris instead of my heart.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
You called me at 2am singing 'happy birthday' while screaming 'I fucking love you' verses, all while eating a burrito and taking a piss off your apartment balcony
Yeah I know, the people below me already told me
since you saved your number in my phone as "the hot chick you met last Friday" I don't know who you are either
I just found a piece of glass in my ear from Saturday.
Is cereal technically a soup?
Fuck, I'm high.
Didn't get carded at the bar. We're getting wasted and then walking over to Bass Pro Shops to watch the indoor ducks swim around. And possibly buying a tent.
If I die tonight, I want you to have the rest of my nachos. And my porn collection.
I've never SEEN someone give negative fucks before. It's actually rather impressive. I want to study under them.
It was the scariest thing ever having a flame that close to my balls...
Give me the sexing that I truly desire and I will reveal to you the mysterious location of the PBR's
We blew shit up to. With a cannon.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
