So someone put the baby mannequins in sex positions
I have decided that a Nickelback cover band would be the pinnacle of loserdom.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
I left my Thanksgiving family dinner puking in my hands from the worst hangover in the world
Him cheating on his girlfriend resulted in a $1500 hospital bill from repeated blows to his testicles by my ass. They diagnosed his pain as "testicle trauma". Sex karma at it's finest.
you were telling us about the time you had sex in an alley and he stopped, looked up and said 'it was a cul-de-sac' and went right back to what he was doing.
Come to the roof. We are drinking breakfast.
It was a fight. Me vs nature and drunkenness. And nature won. Big time.
I'm cutting her off I can't have my good name soiled with these kinds of shenanigans
Shit is preposterous
I'm still mad from all the stupid shit he's done this week that even though I couldn't give two shits about Vday, I'm gonna throw an epic tantrum if he doesn't morph in to Nickolas Sparks for a day
slept at my ex’s house last night and as i was leaving his brother was sitting there on the sofa and said “bet you regret that one don’t ya”
The bouncers found you passed out on the toilet. They tried to move you but you refused and repeatedly shouted that you wanted to go out like Elvis.
I was asked to be part of a mmf threesome. I think I'd rather stay home, watching Orange is the New Black and cuddle with my cat though
I want to ride that like one of the Horsemen of the Apocalypse- with bourbon in hand and without mercy.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
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