Just sold this kid "Magic Furry Apples". He is way to high to figure out they are just peaches.
At least he's a nutritious stoner...
it'll be like the batcave but for manwhores
eat the baked goods on the counter at your own risk... i made them while i was angry and drunk so they most likely have pubes in them
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
the thought 'we cant do it, we're in a public place' crossed my mind, and then I realized he's succeeding if he's trying to domesticate me.
elevator sex. pronto.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
i walked in on you eating. you had the fridge wide open and you were rotating between steak and handfuls of captain crunch.
Hardly remember what he looks like and the man has seen me passed out spread eagle. I begin this journey with such a disadvantage.
I just told a squirrel he was gonna suffocate because he was eating a plastic bag. and i stared at him till he spit it out. Its official, I love squirrels more than people. they actually listen.
It started as ''I want a romantic life right now'' text. It ended with pool table sex.
I feel like at this point in my life I should be dating someone who doesn't run out of all his money on Mondays and have to wait til fridy to buy his weed
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
1) Woke up alone with my bathing suit on inside out spooning an empty bottle of Jack, 2) get the fuck on to my level 3) please pick me up and bring a stuffed pony, some Oreo's and my pride...
wait i saw you last night?
we found you ass naked on the couch covered in pillows.
Stopping for a booty call on the way to a lunch date... Bad form?
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