dude beer before liquor = i want to shoot myself in the face
Change your flight to Denver. That's where my penis is.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
his recent searches consisted of "World record for not bathing" and "Miley Cyrus vs Taylor Swift". Not even i am that desperate.
Do you know what's great about Canada?..... There will always be a Tim Hortons on my walk of shame route
What can I say? I like my food like I like my women, not entirely fucked by our contemporary world.
She licked EVERYTHING then yelled at me in Spanish. I just kept saying SI.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
Seriously, this apartment is covered in body glitter. This chick musta been a huuuuuge slut. How do you get it across every surface?
Do you have any forwarding contact info?
Spotted: shirtless guy wearing cut-off hot shorts, 1 cowboy boot and a sombrero puking in a bush while his friend yelled 'stop being a bitch" from the sidewalk'. Happy 4th of July 'merica!
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
How much do souls cost? I feel like I need one if those.
I just sent a Slack that autocorrected tomorrow to gonorrhoea. Please note that Slack autocorrect isn’t very good.
Got any extra dick over there? I’m running low
Randomize
