I have this horrible feeling I'm going to blackout tonight & only be able to say 'wasabi bobby' over & over again.
I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
theres a middle aged lesbian couple holding hands on the bus and a 17 or 18 year old christian girl visibly staring freaked out and audibly praying about it
I don't care how bad it tastes, i just put it in my mouth and deal with it
Apparently I signed "I love you" on my bar tab last night.
Threesomes are so awesome. You even have company on your walk of shame :)
i just had to hear from a third party that he came inside of me
It's one of those days where you order the free Papa John's pizza so the delivery guy can bring you Coke to go with your rum. The tip was more than the order.
Kurt said to text you and encourage you to come out tonight. Encourage you with my rack.
And apparently i asked another younger guy at the bar if he wanted his bud light pumped straight into his vag. As i put back an irish car bomb...
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
He accidentally opened the car door during sex and all the lights came on. Needless to say, that kid passing by who was walking his dog got scarred for life.
Why is my vagina being sacrificed for yours? I'm sure he would take a piece of you too. Your turn.
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Randomize
