woke up this morning with pubes superglued to my face, not my pubes
think i got pink eye from a stripper in vegas. showgirls did not prepare me adequately for this. be kind, 2010.
Just threw up in a trash can by the ATM. Then pulled out money for weed.
i don't know at this point bringing the fog horn might be a good idea...
had my ear almost bitten off in foreplay. the sex gods do not like me.
I think my hand is broken. But his nose definitely is
I just took a shot out of my supervisors unzipped jeans. Our staff parties are getting a little too personal
I sat on the ground outside wawa chain smoking and telling two strangers about my sex life. I also accepted Rick James Bitch and Celine Dion as their names.
Yeah I fingered her in the crowd and the dj saw it and gave me props over the speakers. I got so many high fives.
I will blow you tomorrow if you bring me food tonight. Like a payment plan
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
I told him I had the birth control implant in my arm and he looked me in the eyes, said "Science!" and came in me
Found out the cop gives spectacular head. Don't ask. We're going out to dinner Saturday.
How do I say “I have great tits” without it sounding awful
So do I get points for screwing my recently single ex boyfriend and then telling him to go fight for his ex back?
Randomize
