Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
so... another position just opened up(704) Oh really?(704) Is it John's?(704) Or did you find a new way to take a penis?
I'm dying. Please wear something slutty to my funeral.
i just realized how high i was when i was screaming red light challenge at the top of my lungs and am watching it alone
I hate when you've made an ugly girl's day by having sex with her, and then she gets greedy and wants to cuddle after you cum.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I got arrested for "public intoxication". Fuckers threw me out of the bar into public... i mean shit they have thirsty Thursdays. And I get thrown out for self serve Sundays plus a citation.
Apparently I'm at the point in my life where I can wake up with a dick in my face and then go back to sleep
I wish they could condense everything I needed, nutritionally speaking, into mike and ikes
You know it's been a while when you're having to resort to positive conditioning to get women
PROFESSOR JUST TOOK A SHOT WITH US BEFORE CLASS. WELCOME TO THE LAST DAY OF FINALS.
Be my booze princess bebe. I'll rescue you from the lame tidings you are confined to up in the sober castle.
A special kind of bond is formed between two people when they act as a pee shield for one another for drunken pisses in an alleyway
Please tell me I was just dreaming when I asked if I could borrow your jesus dildo
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