BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
one night of dollar margs at dinner and dollar beers at the bar later, i am throwing up in his shower and gurgling soap and water to kill the taste of sin in my mouth. dollar days need to stop endng like this.
I think this hangover is going to kill me. If it succeeds I would like you to read a dramatic rendition of 'Trapped in the closet' complete with interpretative dance at my funeral.
You need a Jiminy Cricket, but for sexual decisions.
I am gathering blankets and bags of horse grain to pad my truck bed so I have a comfy place to crash when I get home, without the inconvenience of stairs. Or doors. Or walking. But with the refreshing scent of molasses.
I caved man... I fucked her so vigorously, desperately trying to correct her wonky eye. My determination was relentless.
You are a terrible person.
I just try to be optimistic...
My last 2 google image searches were 'a lot of pudding' followed by 'a generous portion of pudding'
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
why do you keep saying "she looks like a porn star" like thats a bad thing?
I don't know whether to laugh it off or be pissed at him..I got pulled over this morning leaving his place and the officer thought my hickeys were hand prints around my neck and asked if I needed to be escorted out of town.
So the remote for the camera in the photo booth must have gotten dropped on the floor. while you were in there. having a threesome. on the floor of the room where my parents stay when they visit me. so thanks.
As your friend, I promise I will drink a full bottle of vodka and belly slide down the stairs with you if that test is positive
On another note, I think my upstair neighbor is having sex. How awkward would it be if I showed up to her door with a bag of Chipotle?
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