im pretty sure that there was a mint leaf in my poop this morning. i love mojito season.
JOSHUA! WE ARE SO BREAKING UP!
what?
YOU'RE DRUNK AGAIN, ARENT YOU?!
So My parents cut me off after I started making blood marys with hienz ketchup
He was passed out on the floor holding a beer can, rolled over switched hands and never spilled a drop. We need to practice.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Oh, and my friends believe you should reimburse me for the brazilian that was gone to waste.
Cops do not care. One just laughed and said "precious"
I dropped my keys into the toaster and felt it push down as I pulled them out. Couldn't stop thinking it was a bad idea the whole time.
I still don't know how you've lived this long.
Just because I don't want to be her booty call doesn't mean I wanna stop getting tit pics. I'm a sucker for double D's
We always end up having sex in random places after class. I need to stop letting this dude borrow my pens.
How can other people our age be acting like adults when I'm still taking my birth control pill with left over gin and tonic from the night before?
I have a spatula mark on my ass. He spanked me with a spatula. Take that Rachel Ray.
If my life today were a movie the subtitle would be: Revenge of the Beer Shits
So, i might have left my morals back in 2011.
nyquil+orgasm=very intense and oddly interesting
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