quitting drinking is the number 5 new years resolution but number 4 is enjoying life more which one do you think im going to pick
Its that time of week again, Bad life decision wednesday
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
My life now consists of 2 time frames. BV before vibrator and AD after death of my sex life.
Also I have uncooked pasta. I was hoping that could get cooked at your place. Don't ask about the circumstances that I came into ownership of uncooked pasta
Bro, he broke his neck diving into a kiddy pool.
I'm about to punish you for sending me a Snapchat of your boyfriend's morning wood
After we had sex he told me it was a "goodbye gift". We haven't talked since.
True friendship: When you can hold your best friend's hair and still eat your Stromboli at the same time.
Is it just me or is Michael Jackson blasting throughout the house
I force fed him french fries and then proceeded to tell him how sexy corgi’s are … it’s safe to say he’s not texting me for a second date.
Waxing your own asshole is awkward and difficult at best.
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.
she keeps trying to brush her hair with leaves and insisting she's not high
It’s a prereq for med school, so I hope the professor likes blow jobs
Randomize
