i bet jesus would rush if he went to usc
Ya know, years from now when that kid is old enough, I'll get to regale him with the story of how I was his father's AND uncle's first gay experience.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I traded the garbage men the rest of my handle for a ride home. Best. Walk. Of. Shame. Ever.
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
I'm eating my emotions. I am no longer interested in anybody other than my own hand and vagina.
Shes 18 and still has a curfew. it was great. didnt have to worry about her still being here in the morning.
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
Yeah, nothing like barfing into a grocery bag you just put dog shit into.
Hooked up with a 20 year old. Only reason I did was cos I thought he was 18
Have you ever tried to have sex with a fairy? My penis is literally bigger than her.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
HE WAS CUMMING IN THAT DICK PIC
Had a girl with a moustache tattoo on her hand give me a handjob. That shit was classy as fuck. I felt like I should be wearing a monocle or something.
Randomize
