I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
WAKE UP. GET ME THE PILL. AND SAVE MY LIFE
Did you ever feel like going into a planned parenthood and performing an abortion in front of them?
Umm..who the fuck is this?
Oh shit
shit I'm tired of wearing other peoples clothes to bed
Some kid just walked into class with his schedlue written on a keystone box.
There is a girl in my drunk limo who hasn't seen an uncircumcised penis. Hook me up with a picture.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
I can't even remember the last time I took my own pants off
I know it was your bday but bringing a airhorn and blowing it yelling "buy me a fucking shot" in the bartenders face was a little uncalled for
When you wake up with a bow tie and mustache drawn on your penis, you know you had a good night.
Leave it to me to pull up my boyfriend’s grandfather’s obituary just to find out the name of his sister.
I find celibacy oppressive. Huge waste of my time and talents.
Why was I so drunk last night that I licked the bar and then the bartenders face? Why didn't you stop me? We can never go back there.
You cuddled up under the blanket because you said it smelled like Santa and vodka.
This is your post bachelor party survival text. This a free and complementary service to make sure you are still alive. For alive, say yes. For hurting, say ugh. If lost, say help. If dead, please feel free to not respond. Thank you and we hope you enjoyed the party.
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