Reason #84 I'm on my way to becoming a crazy cat lady: I called the police last night because I heard a noise and the cats were acting funny like they were trying to tell me something. The 3rd time the dispatcher repeated "the cats are acting funny?" I yelled and told her to have an officer ask the cats what happened.
so she bought me lunch gave me a blowie then paid for the gas since I drove... I think there's a catch but I'm gonna run with it
I have to date her. We need a place to stay when we go tailgating.
sooo I am sorta kinda using your name as my stripper stage name.
There is no amount of alcohol that can make me forget I had a Jimmy Kimmel sex dream
A guy is going to be inside me and I'm gunna start singing "I am stuck on your penis, cause your penis is stuck in meeee!"
I just sent a bad sext to my sister. There's not even a way to damage control this, is there?
I found out that rock climbing and alcohol does not go together. Ask my broken arm.
Honestly you'd think more guys would be happy to date a cute female dealer, but apparently something about safety or whatever
I won the 'drunkest person at a family event' award tonight.
You know you've been having sex for 9 months when you do Rock Paper Scissors for who has to go on top
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
And he put my hair in my clip while i blew him...and he did a good job
I just talked with someone about real estate trends in Atlanta then got three blowjobs in a row. Boom.
Lost and found: pink cotton underwear next to my bed and soaking wet Reebok socks or boxers in a plastic bag...in my fridge🤔
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