i can totally tell he's high. he's having a conversation with my dog.
I am at the point in my high where i now know/understand chinese.
Friends are holding an intervention and have no idea this gatorade is half vodka. This is gonna be the best intervention ever.
I hope to God 2011 is the year I stop loving tequila.
All the alcohol I spilled on myself must have acted as a disinfectant or something. I haven't showered in three days and I still don't have a staph infection from sleeping on the lawn with you.
Woke up this morning with seven juice boxes under my pillow and an empty box of condoms In my pocket. Good night.
So the first 4 hours of my morning was equivalent to seeing under water. Things were starting to get better until I remember I drank mustard for free stuff and flossed my teeth with a strand of hair from a stranger in the bathroom.
Its not like i paid for sex. She was stuck there, we simply exchanged rides.
It was drunk tag. I was Alice in wonderland chasing a ballerina who was chasing Lance Armstrong who had needles in his arms.
There's a guy here who is improvising his own shadow dance on a table against the wall, in case you're wondering how my night is going
Wait.....I ate a raw potato lastnight.
Idk dude I just feel kinda weird masturbating in my Obama Biden 2008 shirt...
I got stabbed with a couple of chip crumbs during sex Saturday. Further proof I need to stop eating snacks in bed
WHY didn't you stop me from ordering $900 worth of socks last night when I was very obviously judgement impaired at the time?!?!
That man fucks like a champ. The sex was so good I did him again in the morning just to be sure
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