today's thought: if you're naming your fb album "wEdDiNg dAy!!!!!!" you're too young to get married
afterwards we were spooning and he said he wished he was a kangaroo so he cold put me in his pouch and keep me forever. I left as soon as he was asleep.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
on the bus. saw a kid get off at a red light, puke on the sidewalk, and get back on.
I just had a formal request to dress as a boyscout for my meeting with Legal on Friday. From Legal. Time to go home.
I walked down to the adult beverage store and got two bottles of jim beam and s shooter of crwon black label because we didn't have any Tylenol
Fuck that must be a crazy sunburn.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
How would I get in touch with Carly Rae Jepsen if I wanted to thank her for the loss of my virginity?
He just got here and all he's wearing is a cloth over his penis.
I'll uninvite my mom
I wrapped my scarf around his head and then made him go down on me
And I also said, "probe me"
I need rollerblades now
Rollerblades pick up bitches
Please remind me next time not to call the ex who cheated on me to cry about the ex who forgave me for putting him in prison. It would be much appreciated.
How is it possible for someone who gets so many dick picks sent to her, to be experiencing such a complete and utter lack of dick IRL.
I'm covered in bruises and scratches. I dont know whether to call them battlescars or sex decals
Randomize
