So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
My Vagina smells like Nemo again.
Giving the kids Children's Claritin and calling it candy.....Is it setting them up for drug abuse later?
Class is significantly more awkward when you know that your teacher knows what you look like with your legs behind your head... Just saying.
My Grampa even called her out for being a cock block at the bar...it was that serious
He told her, Don't talk. Just sit there so I can imagine that you have the kind of personality I wish you had.
I'm too hungover to crawl to the fridge so im eating the candy nipple tassels I got bought for Christmas
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
I like that our conversation ended with "im gonna go get pregnant goodnight"
You told your family you're bi over the phone?!
We were talking about exes and it just came out....and so did I.
How many times do I have to tell you I'm not bisexual.
.....unless there is alcohol involved
You kept running around yelling "I need my pajamas" & then you got naked. Shit just went downhill from there.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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