Dating is not our generation's strong point. We're an era that's good at getting laid.
I wish "capable of destroying an innocent girl's life" is something I could put on my resume
That's ok. I found a crab leg in my bed and have no pants on.
This is the moment in my life where I take a fork in the "nice guy" road ive traveled for 23 years and fuck everything in sight that doesnt have herpes, or is in-between flare ups and I don't know about it until my dick is on fire.
Nothing like an old fashioned, wine fueled, anxiety-cry in the shower to start off finals week.
It's 6 a.m. ... what the hell.
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
Check the bible. I hear he keeps his weed in leviticus.
Circle jerk is a real thing. It looks like five innocent virgins in a closet at my brother's bar mitzvah. Yeah, I walked in on that.
Guess what I signed up for?!?!?!
Please tell me you're not selling your eggs.
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
She said "we just have chemistry" ... I wanted to say "no, you just have a vagina."
If you had a dick, I would hope it falls off and comes back to haunt you while fucking your ears at night. But you don't. But if you did, that's how mad I am at you
Why can I remember how tall Nicki Minaj is from looking up her height once months ago, yet after weeks into the semester I can't even remember where any my classrooms are located
Importance
I still judge her for aggressively trying to get coke from my date but pretty cool that she's a black belt
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