I drank like a thousand beers last night and my poo is solid, not gross like usual. I think this means I've grown up.
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
My mom just informed me that my dog licks their toes while her and my dad are having sex. I'm apartment searching.
Is your delayed response due to the massive amount of judging going on?
i wish i could google "things to eat in my fridge" so i wouldnt have to go downstairs and be disappointed
we were doing it doggy-style and i felt him pop that pimple on my back.I have mixed feelings about it
My last google search was "mavis beacon techs tping" Thank god google auto corrects bc otherwise i wouldn't know that i drunk-type 13 words a minute.
They normally just get fucked up and see who can hold their hand on the exhaust the longest. It's great
It's okay. I've dumbed down my notes over the semester because I knew I wouldn't be up to understanding things come finals.
I'm sitting in Starbucks, waiting for direction in my life, or it to be 8 p.m. Whatever comes first.
The cleaning lady has a form she makes me sign every time she finds me passed out in my office so she can keep track of how much to charge me each month for keeping quiet about it.
Me sprinting out of your house without my bra or shoes is our entire relationship defined in a single moment.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
FML I accidentally sent the text about his bruised balls as a group text that included his brother and my boss.
Great litmus test for what a useless adult you are: amount of shame you feel while eating a coffee cup of Fruity Pebbles
Randomize
