dude, osama threatened the US again
dude. i slept with your sister last night
what?
I saw that as an opertune moment to drop some big news
nothing says happy birthday like half a tampon wrapped in someone else's hair on your shoulder.
Is licking assholes a new fad or something?
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
Another weekend, another 3 guys I have to awkwardly avoid while crossing campus...
you kept running around the room with a flask shouting "so much room for activities!" then someone tripped you and you passed out
He is now the second fuck buddy that i have met by walking up and grinding on him. My ass is so much more productive than dating
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
Met my future wife peeing in the men's room. I stood in for the missing door on the stall. We really hit it off talking about how her butt didn't even touch the seat from all the years of squat lifting in high school.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
He drinks vodka like healthy people drink water and I wanted to have his adopted gay babies. That's all. I'm going to go find him and potentially propose.
It's like she fell out of an MTV reality show and no one knows how to send her back
What good is being a girl if you can't terrorize boys with pregnancy scares??
I felt kinda awkward walking into his house in nothing but lingerie and my dead grandmas overcoat
Okay. So did I kiss you last night? I know that I made out with someone. Or a few someones. But I'm pretty sure that I made out with you. Was that real life?
Randomize
