He's drunk and putting on a tie for the jimmy john's delivery guy
It started as a joke and ended with a trip to the emergency room, a broken macbook and a gigantic hole in the concrete of my driveway.
So I am just swinging blind here, but I am guessing that blood in your sinus is not ideal
Sorry for feeding you peanuts last night while you were sleeping, you looked hungry.
I just found a GIANT thermos of sangria in my sink. I don't know if its still good to drink, but its good to drink.
Not sure if this is better or worse than the discovery that bourbon and hot chocolate is a viable combo
Drinking vodka straight out of a beer bottle because I don't want to be judged. Not my best idea and not my worst.
I woke up with a black eye, bruised knuckles, wearing women's clothing, in a house I did not recognize, next to a solid 9. Thank you for making 21 special.
You kept whispering "Party Dave" every time someone would start talking.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Sangria Flip Cup was probably one of our worse drunken decisions
I can't even spell what he said he was on. And I had to call 4 people before someone had heard of it.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
We have been dating for 5 months. I'm friends with his sister. Yet my number in his phone is still saved as "hot bartender"
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