Omg. The strippers are having a batman vs spiderman showdown. Both on stage. Genius.
Nada. Shooting off confetti and wanted to see I'd u could see it from ur house.
Wow. Its not even 11am.
He hit on a bridal shower w/ his hand on my tit the entire time. Gave his number to the mom.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
I literally put my pussy on his sideburns, it was awkward
There's a lil minaj in everyone
Come get me we have a petting zoo to throw up in.
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
This chick had a microhand. Fucking, like, jerking off a baby carrot would make it look like corn.
There's a cute bearded guy at this brew fest wearing a kilt and selling mead
TELL HIM ABOUT MY DOWRY!!!
He was cheering for me from the end of the bar as I sloppily ate a Ruben sandwich. It made me feel really special.
I know it's going to be a good day because he didn't notice the bite mark on my butt.
My mom just looked at me and said; "You've been pretty bitchy lately do you need some dick?" WTF has happened to me?
Just took an Adderall with Pedialyte so I think that's a valid answer to "how are you doing"
Just fell down the stairs..might wanna call the ambulance jus take the weed out of my pocket be4 they come..
the cuervo was good, but I started with jello shots. and when i threw up a whole jello shot came out.
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