pwbgyin
what?
penguin condom
this is amy. the small petlike person from the womens bathroom at the reef.
I just beat off to a cartoon porn video. what has my life come to
So, when he came he screamed MORTAL KOMBAT!!!! at the top of his lungs and all of his roomates yelled back FINISH HER!!!!.....yeah kinda akward
He walked in and put an x made out of tape on the floor. He then announced that he was going to pass out there. Cocky or strategic?
Just saw a girl leaving CVS on her bike with a case of beer. She tried to ride one handed with the case under her other arm and fell over off the sidewalk. I'm glad to see someone else's life is a bigger joke than mine.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
I swear if his heart was half the size of the cum stains he's left on my sheets we would have the perfect relationship
Sorry I tried to blow your roommate in your room. I felt more at home there.
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
But you have work tomorrow. And a whore to pick up. And a dinner to eat. And a vagina to slaughter. Your day is full!
I appreciate the concept of vaginal slaughtering.
I have a present for you
Like a legit gift, not just me showing up and getting naked
Allow me to explain. Triple D is a surprise. It's like if you're expecting to fight one person, then you get ambushed by more. Except it's a good ambush, because it's boobs, not death.
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
The thing I'm gonna miss about him is his dick.
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