Let's just say there is a bloody hand print above my bed and it's not mine. Literally.
If you get a breast reduction, you have to let me see them before hand at least once. It's a rule.
fucking a dude
i mean: fucking a, dude
wow, that comma made all the difference there
you'd think he'd be slightly more humble with a penis that small
If burritos were dicks, we'd have a serious relationship problem on our hands. Just saying.
Just watched 1 guy 1 jar with my mom. Awkwardville...
you kept falling over in mid-conversation and you just got right back up as if nothing happened...
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
when i tried to put the condom on he started screaming about how he didn't want his groceries bagged
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Such a good question, let's ask the alcohol gods for the answer.
I legit feel like I had sex with Joey Fatone. Is that weird?
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
i wish i could say that was the first 40 year old woman from the circus I nailed
Are you ok? Who pooped in my office?
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