So I had sex in the woods... it was just as dirty as you'd expect it would be.. and not in a good way.
Thursdays are my worst days
but now we sippin champagne when we thirstay?
How did you steal an entire pie?
I don't know. It's in my purse.
At the bar dressed as a taco. not a typo. Come down.
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
In a tragic sexting typo, I typed the word "blobjob". Now she's coming over and I have no idea what I'm in for...
Just watched the couple I sit for and 4 of their friends shotgun beers like college kids. Please let this be us when we get older.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Cause I came home. Im covered in green marker and jack daniels. Theres a taco and the words "we went to Mexico" on my wrist. Im a walking abomination.
and now i get to think about how i fulfill a gay man's harry potter fantasy. thanks for that
She's planning a December wedding, I'm planning on a June breakup.
I HOPE YOU ENJOY THIS VDIEPO BECAUSE I AMS ENDIONG A LOKT OF EFFORT RECORIDNG IT
I ONLY PARTIALLY KNOW WHAT YOU SAID. BUT I THINK I WILL LIKE IT.
I effort
Hypothetically how does one go about throwing away a dildo?
Sometimes I just want to kiss you without you pulling ur cock out and waving it at me
Do you remember last night?
Just that I fell down a hill with my penis out and the emt talked to me.
Randomize
