I'll start drinking again when I know where I am
Everytime she tries to call me all I can think about is when she tripped walking down my steps during her walk of shame. Then I laugh until it goes to voicemail
It says i should accept HIV aids as my friend on facebook.We have 12 friends in common. I need new friends.
Great, now justin bieber is gonna sing a song about chile
There needs to be a newsfeed for phones... A list of all my drunken calls, texts, BBMs, new contacts, pictures sent AND received, all in chronological order.
Need toilet paper. Napkins suck. Slowly running out of those two and the bleeding hasn't stopped. Your cat is next
It's a 2 hour train ride a 7 in the morning, of course we're bringing alcohol
some gay kid said he wanted to blow him because "his eyebrows told a story"
I just had nipple jewelry returned to me in the law library.
I feel like it could help stop wars and begin world peace and the continents can unite for one Monday because chicken fries come back today
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
Sorry, I gave half my brain to my thesis and the other half to mdma
You ghosted you're own booty call. Wow what a sad sad man.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
You chased a rabbit then knocked on a police car and asked the cop "if he saw where that little bastard went."
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