yeah I know. she is a stupid fat trailer trash bitchwhore and I hate her
but when she came up to me in the bar I had to be all like "OMG HEYYY how are you, I haven't seen you in foreverrrrr!!"
but for the record, yeah, I hope she gets mauled by a bear and dies
i just walked outside for a cigarette and three men walked by in glitter heels and gold shiny thongs. god i love chicago
Tell Heather sorry for burning her hair. Also for anything else that I may have done that warrants and apology. Anything after about 10pm is kind of hazy.
are you sure you're not interested? he's the dunkin donuts employee of the month.
I just did my online traffic school at the bar. No biggie.
not only did i soak my thesis by spilling celebratory shots on it, but i also stained it with lipstick making it obvious i tried to drink the vodka off it......dgaf, worth it.
I feel like I should come with a warning like "Orgasm free since 1983"
I see you've set aside this special time to humiliate yourself in public.
i shit in a pringles can and hid it somewhere in your house....happy hunting
I don't remember much but I think I'm wearing your underwear, and for that, I am extremely grateful.
he fell asleep like an hour after we got to the beach, he deserved that penis shaped sunburn.
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
Literally every boy I've dated is now in a somewhat successful band. My vagina has obviously been blessed by the rock gods.
He's got a big dick, a steady job and tells me I'm pretty. There is litterally nothing else I look for I a guy.
Randomize
