I wish I could google chicago male strippers on my work computer but I don't feel like talking to HR today
I'm going to an arts college, I live next to the frat houses, and my room number is 420. god has plans for me and I couldn't be happier.
where are you?
Hypothermia
You do realize that you're sleeping with a man who is part of a gay harem, right?
His kisses tasted like beef jerky and captain morgan. I'm pretty sure I came before he even took my clothes off.
Horrible. I told her my girlfriend is in the hospital and she tried to give me a lapdance.
He used the phrase "no problemo" in a sext. It's over.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
You told your mom that it was your second day sober. I think she believed it until you jumped off the balcony
"you can only have my number if you answer all the questions on this trivial pursuit card correctly"
I've had more jaegerbombs than I can count on 3 fingers
I just watched this dude try to convince this girl to go home with him. She was like, That's cute, you're cute.and she just walked away. Man I'm so not drunk enough to be around this level of sad.
I guess that means I was blowing a nerd last week.
And loving it.
My new roommate is awesome. His father owns a bar and his sister has an E cup. I'm going to be with him forever
I'm pretty sure I just came a kidney stone..
Randomize
