She looks like Robin Williams dressed as a frog.
he said "you're pretty" then i made out with him. thats all it took
Just found out I have to work new year's eve. It's like one final 'fuck you' from 2009.
Classy. Drunk on alcoholic "energy drink" at work before 8 am on a Tuesday. Between that and hanging out in bars with no pants on, your life is beginning to sound like a Bukowski novel.
i remember getting really pissed off when you wouldn't let me sleep in the garage with your cat.
Well yes but because of that incident i now salute to truck drivers
Oh you know, watching its always sunny and petting his cat and NOT fucking. I'm starting my whorefree 2012 resolution early.
I IMAGINED YOU YELLING SURPRISE WITH JAZZ HANDS. AND I LOVE YOU FOREVER
He reached a whole new level of creepy. We were getting a coffee and he noticed the girl at Starbucks name tag looked her up on fb and friend requested her right there without ever introducing himself
Justin just used the term "industrial strength colon blow".
Apparently I blamed my BAC on the Saint Louis Cardinals...how is that not a valid excuse?!
Speaking of, what are you doing next weekend? I'm going to a rope bondage seminar and may need a partner if my date bails.
Right now you and beer are my only friends.
Do you remember whose house we're in?
I tried to cut you?! I'm sorry! PS where's my hair?
Randomize
