We're like a lot better than the average bears
I puked last after eating a volcano taco and drinking vodka. I felt like a fucking dragon.
he stole me 6 pairs of frilly undies and proclaimed "your ass looks like a 5 in those. it'll be a 10 in these bad boys". every girl needs a gay bff.
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
i chased bacardi with meat sauce last night
I promise a much better performance tomorrow than last night my penis has a bed time
I'm calling into work tomorrow for day drinking and kitten shopping. Totally legitimate.
THERE IS A WINE CUBE IN MY ASS THIS IS NOT GOING AS PLANNED
I WAS CONCIEVED IN THE BACK OF MY CAR. THATS HOW OLD THIS CAR IS.
...how and why.
PARENTS ARE MAGIC.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
I just realized that in 3 weeks it becomes sad if I make everything into a drinking game. Fuck growing up
My car has a permanent smell of sex to it now.
Owwww. A manager/ employee sex scandal that DOES NOT involve me! SCORE!!!
These last few days with George, grandma, and now Carrie all dying have been pushing me further and further into rum's sweet embrace.
I may not have my dignity, pride or sanity but I have my pants.
Randomize
