I would drag my balls through a mile of broken glass to eat pudding out of her anus
You were partners with her mom and you began calling her "the Robert Horry of beer pong" You also kept telling her that she was hotter than her daughter.
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
chinese tourists just took a picture of me....im pretty sure i heard the bus drive say something about shame.
Peach margaritas. And fuck whatever you're about to say, the girl to guy ratio is like 6:1. I need those odds
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
I just asked the contractor building my house what it would cost to put a garbage disposal in all the shower drains...there was a lot of judging going on.
The twins are whispering in turkish together. I think I did something bad last night.
The cop told me to answer for everyone if there was drinking involved and then i threw up in my Luigi's italian ice that i was eating with a pizza slicer
There is a nerf war going on here. I just cleaned the blood out of the fridge
Life is so difficult sometimes. Can you imagine? Going through life, constantly creating boners everywhere you go.
do you ever feel so high you're swimming backstroke and then you realize you're still laying in bed on tumblr
Getting a UTI was SO NOT on my wishlist for the holidays
She started crying, nearly punched a guy, started smoking multiple cigarets backwards and broke the slide on her bong. Why do I always end up babysitting the crazy ones?
Just realized that I indirectly pay for sex through my cable bill
Wow. He is an expensive lay
I still have to figure out the cost per lay. It could be a financially sound investment
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