Sometimes I forget to take my socks off when I masturbate. This always makes me feel like I'm accidentally in a porn.
just so you know, the uglier twin gives better bjs..don't be deceived
It was like watching Stephen Hawking try to swim.
Its that time of year where we just drink more instead of dressing warmer
Dude, she puked up her Plan B, then reached in the toilet and re-swallowed it. That chick does NOT want a baby
I'll be a little late, "getting ready for the party" turned into "smoking a bowl and doing lines in my room for an hour and a half." But I'm on my way now. With coke. And weed.
It's taken me 5 years and 2 beers to finally realize that maybe he isn't the dude for me. Also, that picking your major should be done sober, lest you find your self an art major.
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Just slept with a female bodybuilder. not cute. but it was like fucking hulk hogan with a twat. Beastly.
im so disgusted with myself. funny thing was i lasted 15 seconds. she benches 325
Last night I had sex with one of the groomsmen I was in the wedding with. In a stairwell. 13 years my senior. Thinking I should retire from the bridesmaid gig.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I just lost my handcuff virginity and not in the sexy way.
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
How bad is it that I can say that this isn't the first time a married man, who is in the military, has tried to make me his mistress?
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