you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
The remote chance that I may get a blowjob is about the only reason I have a shower every day.
I just found blacked-out interviews on my voice recorder. Go journalism.
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
We were on the balcony tossing jello shots to people passing below
When people said no i'd yell "i tried them i promise they aren't roofied!"
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
gymnastic barn sex. fuck i wish i hadn't blacked out
When he pulled it out last night I asked if that was as hard as it was going to get. I think I may have offended him.
Nothing shouts "I'm single" like a thousand needlepoint pillows.
i only stock magnum condoms so if the guy i bring home doesn't fit in them he only gets to eat me out. no exceptions.
If we all have the time, and the weather permits, and you have no plans, we should have another go at Operation Get Our Carless Friends Laid. All the lonely people will be out. We can take our lonely people out too.
She was nothing like her profile said, we had nothing in common, and her picture mustve been like 30 pounds ago. But yeah we hooked up
It's only funny because he thinks you had sex with him to rob him.
I remember turning to Jon after doing a line of coke and saying "I was a Girl Scout"
I offered to go down on her because of how impressive her theatre career was. Stop letting me talk to lesbians.
Randomize
