been home a week and haven't blacked out yet. i miss college
im not sure if this headache is from the car accident or cocaine withdrawl
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
I can't be drunk. Sober yes. Drunk no. Spoonfuls
You know when the three of us hug it out in the alcohol isle in walmart it's gonna be fun.
so far we have 6 big wheels and 10 boxes of wine for the tour de franzia. team drunkslut is favored to win the yellow jersey.
I pulled my bra out of my dress and handed it to my mom..at cocktail hour during the wedding.
Thou shall not celebrate other people's birthdays as if they were thy own
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
im in the library and there's this guy on a computer just staring at a google image of beer. finals week is rough.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I just went through the Wendy's drive thru only wearing a towel. My life has hit an all time low
The time to say "now you can't go and be strange about this at work" is not as you are penetrating your coworker. NOW its awkward
So i just remembered that thing i use to do with your butt because of shark week.
we can no longer cook chicken in the house. his name is herbert, we are keeping him and can not eat his people in front of him.
Randomize
