lol earlier she was acting like a normal gf... and then BANG! shes touching herself again...
just threw up into the cup of Gatorade I was hoping would settle my stomach. thanks again, alcohol.
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
hes trying to draw the periodic table on his chest with a sharpie. i'm not sure how thats going to help him on his chem final, but he keeps shouting "this is how the pros do it"
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
He just said his penis sings like Mariah Carey...Im going with drunken.
I'm 50% okay with that amount of body contact... plus/minus 7% based on where blood may flow.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
Had to leave my skype meeting to vomit. I'm obviously ready for the real world.
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
There's a rash on my genitals that would like a word with you.
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
He corrected my spelling during sexting.
It was rocky mountain showdown of course we got shitfaced and talked about eating buffaloes
Nothing is more confusing than dreaming about being chased by jets, then waking up with an erection.
Randomize
