just drove past a church sign that said "jesus got 'er done" ... welcome to the south
She was giving me great head...... until I asked her how much this was going to cost.... she left abruptly
She should get an extra 30 days for that Georgia Rule movie......terrible.
is it just my freshly shaved vagina or is the guy at the end of the table pretty cute??
i found two dead squirrels on my front step this morning.. do you think they have something to do with my missing phone?
You planned my entire going away party sitting in the bath tub cradling a bottle of Cuervo. You promised me fire jugglers. And a pinata.
I love being Chipotle's first beer sale of the morning.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
I understand where he's coming from but I don't want this alcohol to revolve around relationship
Wait
So because I'm off tomorrow that means your dick could be in my mouth majority of that time
I'm 99% sure I just puked glitter. Wine drunk Mondays shouldn't be a thing.
Pregnancy test = positive. Hope you still have our old guess who game 'cause daddy elimination begins now.
I just walked out of the side door of the bar to come in the front door so no one would know I've been here drinking before our work meeting.
I just ate the lyft drivers bacon cheeseburger. Well fuck me this night escalated quickly.
I hate her so much I want to fuck her boyfriend.
Randomize
