just went onto Yahoo and the featured article had a picture of one of the Jonas brothers. last two times the featured article was a celebrity's face the headline was "Michael Jackson is Dead" and "Pitchman Billy Mays is Dead" so naturally I got a little excited. Turns out he's just engaged. Who gives a fuck.
you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
he was wearing a tuxedo, i was naked...it's a long story.
He told me he finished so fast because he's a sprinter. I hate athletes who are really just pussies.
So the coke mirror was perfectly angeled at my face right when i woke up this morning. I now know how I'd look on intervention.
Its 11am, im in the city in a pocahontas outfit, lost a heel and found a gold rolex in my lingerie.
You are too young to settle down enjoy your life. The window to get drunk and have casual sex with strangers gets smaller by the day.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
Her vagina smelled like pancake batter. That's all you need to know.
I went through his pics. Will you go with me to get tested?
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
I better make out with at least 3 princesses and 4 animals this weekend.
That awkward moment when you're drunk enough to crave cocaine, but you're sober enough to know it's only Tuesday.
For a second I thought that you were becoming a decent person again. I am glad I was wrong.
You can help me! We'll make an occasion of it. Have some rum, make some smores, condemn the email system to the pits of hell...
Randomize
