If I saw her on the street and didn't know about the two of them, I would think the only way she'd ever find love was if she somehow found her way to middle earth and an orc took her in
you went through ur friends list and posted an obscene comment on every ultrasound pic...."not his" "looks like a sea monkey"
My piss changed color midstream. Think that means I have a 50/50 chance of passing the test?
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she tossed me in the back of the car and said "god gave u the gift of life and I wanna swallow it"
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
1st rule of birth control pills: do not stop taking birth control pills. 2nd rule of birth control pills: do NOT STOP taking birth control pills.
IT'S LIKE SHE TAKES SECRET KUNG FU CUNT LESSONS AND THEN BRUCE LEES ALL OVER EVERYONE.
I forgot to tell you, wear something you can puke on Saturday. We're christening this marriage with a shot of jager. NOT KIDDING.
why does CNN give a flying $@*# about the royal baby so, so much?
i hope they name him Joffrey
He said he actually "met" me for the first time through a picture his housemate had of me, drunk and passed out in a pool of my own vomit, on the floor of his basement.
It's not as funny as it sounds. I shit myself at the company Christmas party.
Mom saw my dick pic over my gf's shoulder. She told her she really should've had me circumcised.
Long story short I ended up getting choked out by a really hot guy in the girls bathroom at a bar last night
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
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