very cute, but more "I wanna put you in my pocket and keep you as a pet" and less "please bang me" type of cute.
Tip #47, don't trim the bush when you have the shakes!
Hard to imagine a reason apart from blow jobs that I'm awake at 530 am.
i just realized why god gave us younger siblings....to DD for us when we come home for the summers
its not college until your roomate walks in on you having sex in his bed. twice
This is the first time since last march I'm gonna be going to a class for more reasons than wanting to bone the girl sitting next to me.
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I dont know if you relize this but ive been high ly medicated in my room for a whil now. GOing out into the real world would make me li ke tom ha nks. im not ready to be tom hanks..
My liver and my bank account can't afford another all nighter. Help.
I just had to take a picture of someone whose testicles are bigger than my fists combined. Living the dream.
I don't remember much and some girl almost convinced me to jump off the bridge while she held my stuff...
He turned down head in favor of a handjob. Not sure if he's crazy or i have magic hands
i am also 80% sure that my shirt glows in the dark.
One of my tenants at my fourplex that I own gave me a massive bag of severely dank pot and a brick of cocaine because she didn't have the cash to pay the rent. She might just be my favorite tenant!
I'm, like, this 🤏🏼 close to buying crocs
And you're also 🤏🏼 to never putting your dick inside me again
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