I tried to tell him it was only 2:00, but he said since it was 5:00 in New York, it was perfectly acceptable. He then put on a Blues Brothers hat and a pair of wayfarers and left. I expect him home in a few hours with a police escort.
there was enough confetti in my bra to throw another NYE party
I woke up tied to the door handle with reindeer patterned socks. You can tell it's Christmas.
We are gonna be 90 years old in wheelchairs at the nursing home sitting at computers poking each other and waiting for the other to die so we will have the last facebook poke.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
Just took a shot out of a used mini planter. Might die from the pesticides, but didnt want whoever took all of my shotglasses to think they won.
I know it I should, but it's kinda nice. It's smells like unbridled enthusiasm and copious amounts of melt your face off sex.
I legit had a 15 minute convo about dinosaurs with a guy at the bar last night cuz he was wearing a jurassic park shirt
I feel like he has a double life, why was he walking around at 3 am with a backpack?
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
That would be a mascot riding an ATV at a semi-professional hockey game, if that doesn't sum up how I've been I don't know what could
On another note; I'm three days away from being 1/12th of my way from not having sex for a year. I need to get laid.
Tonight we learned that just because we can fit a Tic Tac in the tip of my penis that does not mean we should.
We got kicked out of yet another strip club because your mom wanted to "show these kiddies how it's done"
Okay I’ll say it... THIS MOVIE FUCKS
That’s probably the first time I've heard Little Women described that way and I love it
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