Let's get naked and see who's stronger.
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I just found a bagel and a condom in my coat pocket. I love blackouts
He said "I know I'm not gay. I fucked a guy once and didn't like it"
The last thing I remember is pushing my way into the bathroom and dumping a 40 on him. We havent talked since.
I just looked at a girl and was like what disease does she have? And then my mind caught up ohhh shes pregnant.
oh sorry. I thought "boat" was code for "penis"
He was like Sweeney Todd... But, without the killing people part.
So... He's a barber?
No. He's got crazy hair, and a revenge fetish. But he's hot. Does that make up for it?
Wors thing about having a cop dad: random drug testing
She waited 7 months to break out her comicon costumes. I was only mad it took her so long. I fucked an elf last night and strawberry shortcake the night before!
I threw up in the kitchen on the floor and a guy tried cleaning it up with a spoon at a party.
Yeah that doesn't involve enough booze, count me out
Yeah well, last time I said I wasn't having a big night I was being strangled in somebody's spare bed
Would it be creepy if I masturbated with my face in the pillow he slept on last night? Cuz I'm pretty sure that's about to happen
mcfuck me up
MCFUCK ME UP INSIDE
Randomize
