sorry probably not gonna make it :( kinda tied up right now
sad face, r u gay?... wait like really tied up?
:)
Should I tell Kevin that my finger was in his sister's ass last night?
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Shes sitting on the front porch puking in to the pumpkin she just carved...in the rain. I guess pumpkin spice tequila shots wasnt our best idea.
I woke up to his gay cousin telling me I had the prettiest boobs. I don't even wanna know.
Our neighbors just passed us a blunt from their deck, and are hooking us up.
I just baked them cookies. We're friends now.
Hi future me, I saved you a big mac under the bed.
Hey, you remember years ago when you told me you would give me a kidney?
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
So for St Paddys day I colored my junk green and got a little hat for him....wanna see it before I sober up....
I'm dedicating this beer to drunk texting
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
You need to stop leading guys on at bars - you're a lesbian.
And now I'm a lesbian with better self-esteem.
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Randomize
