yo I wanna see you, bring that beard of yours
I blacked out in 45 minutes and woke up with a missed call from someone I saved in my phone as the karate kid.
Omg my grandpa just told me he wants to die in his 90's shot by a jealous husband
he put his p in my v, then his p in my a, and then tried to put the p in my m? first, double dipping is rude. second, i'm glad he finished shortly after that, i'm afraid of where he'd try to stick it next. my ear?
if my vagina gave out awards, he should be preparing acceptance speaches for the oscar, the heisman and the nobel peace prize.
I apologize for forcing you to look at my boob when we were high. It was uncalled for
He shaved off his eyebrows. This is not my life.
All three of them were helicoptering their dicks to persuade me to take my thong off
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
May 25th. Drunk Laser Tag party to celebrate our bdays. May 26th. Mushrooms at Chattanooga Aquarium. Damn
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
SPICY FOODS AND BLOWJOBS DON'T MIX.
YOU SAID YOU'D TRY ANYTHING ONCE YOU LIAR
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
I just walked across town, stoned off my ass and barefoot in 35 degree weather for him to bust five mins in and then apologize 13 times as I got dressed.
I had an awesome dream where you were a stegosaurus and I was a triceratops and we were hiding from a t-rex and had mad dino sex
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