It's a sad day when you have to slightly move your fupa to shave.
so i was trying to be sexy and unzip his pants with my teeth. i got my lip caught in the zipper and it bled for a good 15 min, totally a mood killer.
Fist pumping is hard when country music is playing FYI but I am committed
After we had sex he bought me grape soda. I think I'll keep him.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Woke up to pictures of me cooking wings with a blow torch.
She brought a box of chocolates to give the bartender and now he's giving her free shots.. Why didn't we think of that?
Just had a tv talk show interview in my mirror. Got into to some pretty heavy shit man, would have made good viewing.
I don't like him near enough to give up day drinking AND my prostitute costume
Do you ever feel like your dog agrees with you? Like REALLY really agrees.
I asked you if you wanted to go to the ER, have me sew it up or just wrap it in duct tape and keep on keepin on. You just said YES. I remember very little after that.
You're a good friend.
My sheer presence has sent the hipsters running in terror. I expect no problems.
in other news i got caramel vodka poured on me. upside, i smell amazing
I am literally this close to screaming out my window if anyone nearby was down to fuck. I am too damn horny.
Also your Swedish friend who's name I don't remember is really good in bed.
*Norwegian
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