I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
Good news.. I found out what I did Saturday night. Bad news... I found out what I did Saturday night.
Found a pint glass in my snow pants.
She put up a picture of her grandmother on facebook, looks like the lazy eye runs in the family
I'm sorry. I think I have multiple personalities. Or it was the acid. Either way. I'm sorry.
I distinctly recall there being a "I can't be dead 2maro" stipulation to going out last night. There's been a breech of contract
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
When I see myself in tank tops and push up bras I seriously wonder why I'm not President.
She actually was beyond drunk but she for some reason kept calling herself a demigod and made me drive her to a bookstore
Why can't people give useful wedding gifts...like sex swings or Nutella?
Your vase full of piss was still at his house and he still doesn't know.
Me and my bruised tit have to wake up at 4 AM.
Thanks so much for having me, I'm really sorry that I almost caused your dog to catch on fire and also for breaking your doorknob
Fuck me first. Then we can craft and watch Terminator 2.
Honestly, if you don't have a lawsuit pending against you by this time tomorrow, I'll be impressed.
Randomize
