Do you still like to have your hair pulled?
No, I never liked having my hair pulled. I think you have me confused.
Hot mess moment: I just made really spicy guac and picked my nose, which set it on fire. I tried to neti pot it with a coffee pot, which resulted in me gagging and puking all over my bf's bathroom. oopsie.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
franzia sundays are my new favorite holiday
How do you tell if you're on the terrorist watch list?
Well the light went out so I was throwing up by candle light. Strange moment in my life.
We hadn't had sex in so long that I started queefing and then I couldn't stop giggling... I think he's mad.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
Me. You. Shitty green clothes from Savers that we will dub alligator costumes. Middle of the quad tomorrow at noon. Bring your alligator voice and the pearls before swine comic.
You're in a tuxedo, you can pee wherever you want.
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
Speaking of fellatio on fictional characters, the Stay Puft Marshmallow Man would be a delicious blowjob.
We could have casual sex if you want. But I can't offer a bromance to a woman.
At the bar, some guy bumped into you and you screamed "hey, don't touch what you can't afford sunshine!"
I wish there was a tumbleweed emoji. Because that would describe my vagina.
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