Spraying perfume on pants makes them clean right?
I plan on using my big titties for evil tonight.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
the taste of these tagalongs is totally worth boning that creepy troop leader chick...
you left him a drunk voicemail of you singing speechless by lady gaga balling your eyes out
Im like a co-bf. he pays for her birthday and christmas, but i get all the action.
Oh my God, I want him to live with his face in my vagina forever.
composition of my stomach right now: 60% C8H10N4O2 * H2O (coffee), 20% CaCO3 (pepto bismol/tums), 10% HCl (stomach acid), 5% fried rice, 5% residual adderall. i can do that by percent mass too. fuck you finals.
we've decided whoever is stupid enough to use the condom that's tacked to the wall deserves to get pregnant.
Your texting shows a blood alcohol level of .12
im not sure what exactly happened but i may need help faking my own death
A guy wearing a shirt that says "eat shit and die motherfucker" just held open a door for me. He's got manners.
I think I was high. I asked a dude at chillis if they had a cereal buffet
RUDE you're the one missing half a nipple...
IT HEALED AND GREW BACK TO BE A FULL HEALTHY NIPPLE OKAY
aloe plants are like gummy bears with an exoskeleton, but with healing powers instead of deliciousness.
are you on the drugs???
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