It's like a parade of train wrecks.
Pretty sure she's used to bigger guys. She kept slipping off while on top. like, constantly
I just heard a guy scream "it must be five o' clock!!" and another guy screamed "somewhere!!!" out from different balconies.
Going to a party tonight. Sorority girls will be there. Primary goal of the night: make one cry. Secondary goal: become a father.
He wanted a handjob during a John Wayne movie. I just couldn't find it in my heart to disrespect that man. John Wayne that is.
Don't park in the garage. I installed a stripper pole while drunk and it's kinda in the way
I am three bowls, two beers, and a muscle relaxer into babysitting. What are you doing.
Just put your hair in a bun. We're going out to drink, not to impress people.
I think mom knows I'm drunk I put a full blown balloon in the fridge.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
New rule for Thursdays: no high gymnastics
God dammit not the cupcake channel. Not when I'm high.
That broad from the bar put her name in my phone as "The girl I'm going to marry in 10 years".
Holy shit my cat won't leave the lube alone
He gave me a brownie at the beginning of class and now I can't feel my face.
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