what has become of my life if the best thing thats happened to me this week is that i discovered my cleavage as the best hiding spot ever for weed.
AIM automatically accepts video chats on my laptop. I found this out when I got a text from Jacob after my first attempt at drunk lesbian sex saying, "I'd give it a 7. You need to work on your positioning." I think I'm single now.
My number went up to seventeen today. I forgot to add my random hookup on a sailboat.
We had phone sex and he came in his sink. i will never eat off one of his plates again
Why are there sofa cushions on the floor? And why isn't there a sofa in this room that doesn't have cushions?
She's going to get me a sippy cup for christmas. If I can't open it, I can't have any more to drink. Seem reasonable?
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
I've reached the point in my life where I desire cats more than men
cool, get new shit, I dnt want the same old if it's my last drink ever
The world isn't ending you idiot. I'll grab beer
Cocaine can totally be concealed as MAC finishing powder. Drug dealer creds just went up 120 percent
Just a heads up... Don't get high and attempt to do your own taxes
how drunk are you?
Several
And how about the fact that the first time i really truly looked at a guy's dick was in my car. MY CAR. GODDAMNIT!!!
You date? I thought you just hooked up with your TAs
New one isn't as good asmy ex. She won't put her tongue up my butt
Peter this is your "ex"
I stand by what i said
Randomize
