HOLD UP I think she only has eight fingers...
I can tell how much and what I drank by my morning shits
I saw a chick at 8 am this morning walking back to my dorm wearing wings... I'm kind of jealous.
This whole living in Ohio thing is getting reaaaaallly old.
She just had to change the song on the radio cause I was tap dancing on her windshield
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
I fucked her wearing an American flag. Now here I am, awake, naked, and flag less. How do I report this to the police?
i know. like I have the nerve to talk about poverty. I eat peanut butter out of the jar.
Lesson: Never rollerskate with a 40 in your hand unless you have a destination.
Owwwww. Yeah. I can barely move unless Im high on vicodin. We are bad at drinking/balancing. We will be the first to break hips and have to go into a home.
We kept having to tell you that you couldn't just sit wherever you wanted at Walmart. Sitting in the middle of the raw meat section was unacceptable and children were staring at you.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
She had a toddler. It threw up and then some guy said party foul and put it on the porch. Going back next Friday.
If I knew the person sucking my dick didn't say thank you for their Christmas presents I wouldn't be able to cum.
I need to start dating older women. We tried sexting and she used more emojis than actual words. It was so bad that I did the math...her messages were 54% emoji. No one should make me feel this old when I'm only 28.
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