My stomach is making the worst sounds, probably because there is nothing but semen in it.
So Ive decided I have serious issues. Im walking around the school with a bag labeled booze money collecting from people while slightly hungover at 8:20 in the morning, and nobody is questioning me.
is asking a girl out on a date while in another girls bed in poor taste?
If i evwr doyble fist jack daniels and smirnoff again, i hereby give you permission to take them both away grom me and give me and give me a glass of wat
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I walked in on him successfully eating chips and masturbating at the same time. I don't know whether I should be ashamed or proud.
Haha! I've never met his girlfriend, so my main focus will be not saying,"you're the only person in this room that doesn't know what my vagina feels like."
I hope after we constantly bang for 2 days straight we can agree to be friends again
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
He ate the contents of an ashtray and didn't puke, I think he can handle drinking a fifth to himself.
It started with a wedding, followed by a drag show, and ended with Trevor getting punched in the face by the bouncer. How was your weekend?
I woke up at like 4 am with an old Korean woman cuddling me. I assure you she was not there when I went to sleep.
Just discovered I was so fucked up last night I called in sick to work... TWICE
So far 2 of my professors caught me looking at their dicks
Randomize
