i mean really, i cant compete with a cucumber
if you think for one second that i'm not using my mittens as hand puppets at the bar tonight then u dont know me at all!
his penis is PERFECT
I want to put it in a shoebox and place cottonbls around it to protect it from any harm
or knit it little hat
there is a time and a place for ass-grabbing and that was not it.
Call me when your ready for an explanation about the ham in your vagina.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
No, she isn't nearly as crazy as the girl who wanted to wear a vial of my semen as a necklace.
The van in front of me contains people having SEX. I am in full view of a SEX VAN.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
I was puking in the bathroom when my fake tooth fell off of my retainer so I just walked out of the bar and didn't say goodbye to my date
Sheila knows I only go down on her on Bastille Day. Valentine's Day we get high and watch The Neverending Story. THE SYSTEM WORKS.
I may be going to Mexico. I just met a drug dealer at a strip club. Seems legit.
You know it was one hell of a night when you need to use your own thong to wipe cum off your face.
Pretty sure the delivery guy saw me taking a shit this morning
Oh and it’s been a year according to my snap chat memories since I banged your cousin in your sons truck pulled over on Elm St! 😂😂😂😬😳😇
Randomize
