I'm home now. bring me food and boobies
Sometimes, when I pour the powdered creamer in my coffee I like to pretend it's Colombian grade cocaine.
That's the kind of morning coffee a girl could welcome the day with.
Still waiting. He said he'd call between 2 and 10... apparently he's like the Comcast of drug dealers.
Either I'm a lot drunker than I thought, or he has three dicks....
I think I'm gonna have to go with the first one...
Sorry I fell asleep again. I'm in the shower now. Door is unlocked. Condoms are in my desk. I want your game face on for when I get out.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
My body is like , remember when you wouldn't let me puke last night? Good luck at work fucker.
I'm so high. Midnight pancake breakfast in bed
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
I just used Bacardi to dry out poison ivy.
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
Hiding in a kitchen with no pants orange juice abs a pillow...please joun
I haye tequella
I'm in the upstairs bathroom. I went to the bathroom after class and realized this is not a shit I want to have publicly. I ran home. We can go to lunch, just give me a min
BRB. These cougars are squabbling over my junk and one of them is offering to pay my tuition
Randomize
