Call me pathetic, but saying "tits for ireland" is working out really well on chatroulette today.
My girlfriend and my fuck buddy both started their periods this weekend. The good news is, neither of them are pregnant. The bad news is, I'll have to find someone else to fuck til next weekend. No wait.....that's good news too.
She gave me a handjob while eating a mcdouble with mayo on the way home from the bars at 2 in the morning. Car was full of people. This could be forever
The liquor store wont accept checks from us anymore.
He passed out on the floor and you kept hitting him in the dick and screaming "hammer of justice".
Just rolled up to a matinee showing of THE HOBBIT. At the dollar theater. Alone. In sweats. With a fifth of sunnybrook and leftover pizza in a ziplock. There's a dude here in cape with his elderly mother. I'm handling this breakup FIIIIIINE.
My gynaecologist hit my g-spot today by accident and for some reason I went "at least someone found it" VERY AWKWARD
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
Currently hot boxing a fort I made on our snow day... This is legendary
We trekked into the state forest, laid the comforter down and he proceeded to tell me that we could stay here and stargaze, turned me around and fucked me like the lion king.
My roommate just google searched "cumming blood" using my laptop. Her boyfriend is in her room, she looks scared. Words cannot explain how hilarious this is.
Quickly hiding the condom wrappers, ropes, and handcuffs right before the parents arrive to help with moving out? Priceless.
Ya i'm marrying the man who can hear/smell this level of flatulence and stick around
His mom just pulled off a quadruple cockblock. I'm not sure if I'm mad or impressed?
How you run into a glAss door three times in a row I do not know
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