Smith looks like a guy that goes on a lot of first dates
I just jerked it to the same porn two nights in a row... and she says I have problems with commitment...
I think my guts just had a chinese fire drill
Looks like an M-80 went off in a lb. of pastrami
YOU CAN MICROWAVE POPTARTS!?!??!
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I won't go into too much detail about this but you should probably wash your sheets. In bleach. Or just burn them. Thanks for letting me sleep in your bed bro. Enjoy scotland.
all i wanna do is drink skittled vodka, fuck my gf, and pass out in my neighbors hot tub naked
2nd year in a row being a arrested before school starts...tradition at its finest
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
Hows the party lookin?
At a live sex show right now. Not sure about the employee party
You are hereby uninvited from future Turnt Tuesdays until further notice.
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
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