the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
get home. someone threw up in the fishtank last night.
Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
Why would you fall asleep? This is why i cant drink with my lesbian friends anymore. They take my clothes off and get vodka in my top ramen. Only yoouuu can prevent forest fires.
I just messaged a senior at Harvard and told him to 'tinder me softly'
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
I should rephrase... I'm trying to not sit on other peoples faces besides my boyfriends.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
If I'm going to keep blacking out this much I need to start taking more pictures.
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
Do you have Pokemon Go yet? I just caught a Clefairy on my walk of shame and feel way better about myself.
I currently hiding in an upside down garbage can please come find me
Someone needs to get Mark off the roof. I told you that he doesn’t shut up about ancient Egypt if you give him henny.
Randomize
