No vaginas are yucky and I don't think you're old enough to handle one yet
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
Hey guy that stepped on my foot, don't slap my ass to apologize.
Babe.. You are farting in your sleep and it literally smells like something crawled up your asshole and died.. I'm gagging and I feel like I'm eating your fart right now. I want to tape your ass cheeks shut and plug up that canon you call your ass. All I hear is snores and farts.. You are lucky I love you
Have you picked out a bathroom stall in which to fuck? Since you've got all this free time before her plane lands...
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
And that was the night we had mind-blowing sex with the score from Raiders of the Lost Ark blaring on vinyl in the background...
Please tell me you did not shit your Disney princess costume.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
would it be awkward if i bring my husband?
only if i fuck you in the bathroom while he's paying the check
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
Just got an x-ray done of my hip and you can clearly see the outline of my penis in it. When the doctor saw it she said "wow I haven't seen one that big on an x-ray before." Pretty sure the doc and the nurses are going to be talking about me on their lunch break.
What did you delete my number or something
Oh honey. What makes you think I saved in in the first place?
We should write a country song: “Blacked Out on a Sunday”
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