He has that thing where they hang SUPER low
Ewww!! Elephantitis
South Carolina's governor once cited "moral legitimacy" when he was a congressman voting for President Bill Clinton's impeachment. Karma is a bitch.
Thats the last time I go out drinking with my Irish friends. Two shots of flaming sambucca = bar on fire. I was only trying to high five the barman.
how do i tell him I'm always in the mood without sounding like a slut?
At least they aren't charging us for the broken diving board...
No, this time she was diabetic. I think I fucked her into diabetic shock.
Just used my boobs as a ramp to guide ramen into my mouth.
Standing in a circle of girls fistpumping to the word "hospital" while taking shots.... I don't see this ending well, but its fucking fun.
A conundrum I think only you would understand: how to classily post "I need a ride to the liquor store" on one's Facebook wall?
Yeah, I've been trying to get him to eat healthier. Turns out he'll eat almost any fruit or vegetable as long I let him eat it off my body.
When cunnilingus is one of the first 25 words you say to someone there's a problem
#reasonsyoushouldnthaveatinder
I'm tired, but I'm gonna go with "I watched the debate last night and part of my soul died"
My lash glue is stronger than my sense of self respect
I just had all of the sex. All of it.
I'm pretty sure I naked in my first year of college more than I was as a baby.
Randomize
