I thought she was mad at me, but then we did a pose off and I realized we're friends for life
i asked why he had a giant piece of popcorn duct taped to his head and he said "No, it's actually part of my neck." so no, i didn't fuck him.
its not that she doesnt like having sex with you, your balls just smell worst then your ass.
they call him Oral-B. enough said
You told them to let you give him stitches claiming you were a certified nurse because you've taken plant biology classes
You poured your drink on yourself and then said "it's not a party until I'm wet"
Too high to move please buy hi-c and pour it in my mouth in exchange I will marry your first born child
Found my other fake eyelash. In a condom wrapper...
I'm mentally preparing myself to hang out with him by staring into the mirror saying "thou shalt not get naked" over and over.
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
He was wearing an Affliction shirt, a Monster hat, and he asked me for anal within 5 minutes of meeting me. Like 3 strikes and you're out, bro.
And the prospective student I was showing around had to take care of me.
I cant see straight, her clothes are all over my floor and I'm covered in bite marks... No I will not go to brunch with you
You have not lived until you and a ginger miget chick are jumping and waving your arms in a pitch black bathroom to turn on the motion lights. Yes, today I have officially lived.
ETA 20 minutes and if you greet me at the door with a gin & tonic I’ll give you head.
Randomize
