Ok. Also I almost just threw up. Seriously. I was think to myself "really? Here? Now? At my work desk?" and then it went away.
I was working er so they smashed a vodka bottle over dan's head so they'd have an excuse to visit
she is medically diagnosed as a nympho. she has the paper to prove it. hell. fucking. yeah.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
Please. I don't care how shitty his fake life story was. As horny as I was I just wanted the prettiest man possible in case I accidentally got pregnant. He had blue eyes.
His phone pocket dialed me while he was crapping. He was quietly singing stayin alive and possibly passing his intestines.
you were feeling the wall and when we asked you why, you just said "because I want to know who lived here before"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
yesterday pre dick pic he said "no disrespect to your situation but i cant wait to get ahold of you again in the future" is this how people network??
Trust no bitch in laser tag. Not a single one.
She told me "I think I'm going to puke tonight" a few seconds later she said smiling"I can't wait!"
I would say don't do anything I wouldn't do, but we both know I forget about my personal safely when getting laid is on the line
Pooping in a box is not fun. You're not a cat.
I don’t care if there’s a pandemic. My husband gave me a hall pass for my 40th birthday and I’m going to use it!
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