i think guys who wear condoms are gentleman.
So I told her I dislocated my shoulder and she said "well okay. I can either be on top or blow you."
Decisions, decisions.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
WHY AM I ALWAYS DEFEATED BY THE LATIN COCK?!?!
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
But is that really the name you want to scream out during climax?
Also I think I realized when my life started to turn into shambles.. The day I took my high school senior picture WITH A HICKEY ON MY NECK
is it too soon to tell him I'm available anytime for Christmas themed pity sex and I'll even wear a Santa hat?
I was chasing moonshine with vodka last night. I'm still not sure how I'm sober right now.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
Apparently I offered the cop my Taco Bell.
Desperate times...
She wouldn't fuck me because I had a cast, so I took her friend home
when you wake up naked in a bed with glowsticks, a rolled ankle, a hangover, and a condom; alone. you wonder shit
Dude, he turned on “London Bridge” by Fergie and GAVE ME A LAP DANCE.
Yeah. We're taking this fuck buddy relationship to the next level. Sober weekday sex.
Randomize
