No she wasnt mad! I told her that I "mis-remembered" nailing her friend.
I kiss like a newly born barfing kangaroo
What do you do when the person in the stall next to you says they're jealous?
No it wasn't her, this girl had both hands.
im naked on webcam to her boyfriend, but im playing neopets at the same time, so its all evened out
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
you poured 3 beers into an empty vase and then passed out, so i drank them for you. don't say i'm not a good friend.
I'll see your cousin, and raise you a sister.
Hey, hey, hey, hey. This is a hurriCAN.
He bought me a oreo ice cream cake with "thanks for not calling the cops!" written in icing. If that doesn't sum up winter break, I don't know what does.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
Last night when you stole the construction sign you told me to tell you that first you did it for the money Than you did it for the music But mostly you did it for your family
Why did I wake up with condoms on all my fingers?
Considering the girl you hooked up with, I'd be concerned about not having one on your penis.
Tequila Tuesday.. tonight is the night I defeat the liquor.
I have class at 8:30 and I am not bailing you out of the drunk tank again.
Today I learned that when you lick a mans butthole, you get wined and dined at a nice french restaurant.
Randomize
