Just mADE A PArabola og urine
I was high as a kite when I got pulled over by a cop and he asked me for my ID and if I had been smoking weed, I said no and gave him my debit card.
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
I swear a good massage is the easiest way in my pants.
Not that there's a hard way... but you know what I mean.
I woke up pulling sunflower seeds out of my vagina. That kind of night.
It's confirmed I did eat a ping pong ball last night...
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
We don't have sex anymore. We both agree that the olympics are more important to watch. All day. Also i don't look good compared to the athletes...
his finger was half off and he was more concerned that he wasnt at home shooting cucumbers out of his potato gun.
Yeah, I got home from work at like 9:30, and he was passed out on the couch wearing only a tee shirt and The Jurassic Park theme on repeat.
I'm over being sad. I'm now onto thinking about all the ways in which he is a total fuckwaste
I couldn't find a water bottle, so I sent her to school with her juice in a flask. Who the hell let me become a parent?
I've realized that drinking at your apartment alone on a Tuesday probably isn't a good thing.
Lmao. K I'll be 100% honest. I was over at your place like 12 hours ago with your roommate. If I hadn't of been there then I'd take you up on your booty call offer. So. If you're not creeped out another time please?
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