I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
I just answered "If only I knew" for a quiz in criminology, she loved it. I got an A
Someone else needs to become the bad example in our group
But you wear shame so well
I mean it's not my fault he had a floor mat that read "put out or get out". What was I supposed to do?
all i remember of last night is that i was drinking jameson and then NOTHING i do remember walking a dog though\nwhich is sooo fucking weird
OH MY GOD ITS COMING BACK I PUT THE DOG IN THE HOTTUB TOO
I mean, I gave him a hand job on the Pearl Harbor tour bus; I don't know what the fuck else he wants out of this "relationship"
Hey, umm this is awkward but I want to apologize in case you find gum in your pubes. Not sure if I swallowed it or spit it out. It's all a blur.
Those mornings you wake up with a Barbie tramp stamp are the mornings that are the that are going to make me miss this place
I only think it appropriate to apologize for making out with your next boyfriend. It won't happen again.
Both our collective sex appeal dies once someone cums on a snuggie kayla
You were greeting everyone with " Hi I'm Jess show me your dick" whether they were dudes or not.
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Did you seriously just hashtag my sex life as #yolo2013?
Let's get the cat blown out
condom fairy costume came in handy...we were making out in my living room and he wanted it so i took a condom off the costume and we did it right there...with my tutu still on....
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